Since my brother has been released from a halfway house and is now living with me, we took a trip to Arkansas to see our little sister's newborn baby. It was on my heart to take my brother to see his father's grave which would be the second time for me and the first time he, this was on January 24, 2016. It was there that I saw a hardhearted man's heart break; we both had something to say to our father. He wasn't the best of fathers but he did what he could, I feared him more than I loved him, I had respect for him. I see a lot of my father in myself as I raise my children. I don't mean to use bad language but my father was a "Hard ass." I guess it was a good thing because it made me the man I am today. My children have very good manners, their good kids and I think a lot of this comes from my father. To be there with our father, I and my brother was able to deal with things that we had inherited from him, hate, rage, resentment, and pity. I know it is hard for my brother to express emotions but I expressed my emotions in front of him. I hit my knees and started bawling and I told my father that I forgave him. When my father was dying, he asked me if he was dying, but I never told him that he was. I have carried this around with me for 13 years. This bothered me and I let it go at the grave site in front of my brother with tear filled eyes, I told my father my peace and I left my respects.
My brother wrote a letter to his father and buried it at the grave; he let me read it. It said, "Father you would be so proud of Casey and how he is raising his family." I never got approbation from my father but my brother told me that he was proud of me; this meant a lot, I think his hardheartedness is being chipped away
I left my brother alone with his father at the grave site and when my brother came to the car he was bawling. I looked at my brother in his face and he said, "I need a hug." I held my brother for the first time in many, many, years, we wept and we wept and I saw a hard heart turned soft. As we left that grave site going down a gravel road in Arkansas both of us felt a little lighter with a spring in our step and a little more respect for one another.
He has been in a cage most of his life and I think it was good for him to see that this grown man can express his emotions and still be a man. In my opinion a man that can express his feelings is more of a man than one that can't. I hope it did some healing for him as it did for me. This is just a little testimony of what the Lord is done in my life and through my life I pray the Lord is reaching my brother; because I don't want to go through this life without my him. God gave me a brother for the purpose of going through this life together. As I have him back, I pray that the Lord will chip away even more at that hard heart and bring him to our Lord Christ Jesus